This post contains adult language. Reader discretion is advised. 

I was trapped in the ladies room at work.

It had been a busy few weeks, and I had lost track of time. I was sitting at my desk, when suddenly I felt a quick sharp cramp, followed by a familiar wetness between my legs. OH FUCK. My period arrived and I wasn’t expecting it.

Me (via text):

I am trapped in the bathroom. My “bloody show” has me looking like I’ve been in a massacre

Friend:

WHAT IS GOING ON?

Me:

It’s all over me. My legs. The bathroom stall. IT’S A FUCKING MASSACRE

Her:

What is a bloody show? Your period? Or did you get in a sword fight?

Me:

Yes. I think it was called that in a TV show

Her:

Is it on your clothes?!

Me:

No, it legit flew out of my underwear onto my legs. Luckily I’m wearing a dress.

Her:

I really don’t know what to do with this information right now.

Me:

You’re not supposed to do anything. I’m traumatized and need to tell someone.

It took me 20 minutes to clean up that day. And of course, my office bathroom offers no period supplies besides tampons in a vending machine that cost $0.30. I mean really, who carries $0.30 into the bathroom?! And in this digital, cash-averse age, who even has $0.30?! And if I’m being honest, I’m not sure that machine even works.

Next time, I will be more prepared…