The need to potty train my toddler came up frequently in my circles. Friends and family would tell me “she’s ready” and “you just need do it”. My daughter is unlike my other two older children at this stage. She’s WAY more persistent and really knows what she wants. One of her nicknames is Boss Baby, coined from the recent funny movie “The Boss Baby.”

I knew it was time to give in, but I had zero interest. ZERO! I used every excuse in the book.

“She’s only two!”

“I’m too busy.”

Plus, let’s be honest. Potty training sucks. Going to the bathroom a bazillion times a day with your toddler. The accidental soiled undies. Visits to public restrooms. THIS is the worst people. They want to touch everything! EVERYTHING. I cringe in disgust and yell, “don’t touch the toilet seat” over and over. So gross!

Despite all of this negativity and my reluctance to start, there’s one real reason why I couldn’t get rid of the diaper.

I didn’t want to let go of my baby.

Brianna is the third and final child in my family. There are no more babies in my future. If I get rid of diapers, I’m closing a sweet chapter in my book of life. Am I ready for that? Selfishly, no. I’m not.

No more baby kicks inside my belly.

No more newborn smells.

No more 2 a.m. feedings.

No more baby toys.

No highchair.

No bottles.

No diaper bag.

No baby proofing the house.

Nada. Nothing. It’s over. It’s hard to leave it all in the rear-view mirror.

On the flip side, I know this is how it’s supposed to be. I’m meant to stop at three. I’ll be the first to tell you I’m happily done having kids. We’re complete as a party of five. I believe God gives you what you can handle and three is my limit. Pregnancy strains the body. A physician recently told me it’s like your body has a disease. (Not gonna lie, I was a bit taken aback by this comment.) My third pregnancy was especially challenging for me. It tested my emotional and physical capabilities as a human being like no other.

One of my favorite children’s books is “Let Me Hold You Longer” by Karen Kingsbury. It cues all the feels. I can barely get through the pages without a good cry. It’s a loving reminder to cherish the last moments with your child just like you typically do with the first ones. Remember the last time you rock your baby to sleep, the last time you pick them up, the last time they go to school and so on.

Because Bri is my last baby, I really try to recall all of the special last moments. I want to hold on to them for an eternity. Like the very last time I changed her little diaper to put on her favorite princess undies. Whether I’m ready or not, my baby is growing up. Nothing lasts forever. Sniff, sniff.

What are your special last moments?