“This year is going to be different,” I said. “I am going to turn my life around,” I said. Hah, I’m wishing I had bitten my tongue because these promises lasted about as long as my Summer tan…approximately 8 minutes.

1.) “I’m going to take a shower every morning.”

Lemme just walk you through a timeline of how this worked out for me real quick:

First Day of School Eve: “Mom this year is going to be totally different, I am going to embrace the morning air.”

First Day of School: “Oh my god, this is so nice I was meant to be a morning person.”        

*annoyingly flips my hair*  “Wow my hair looks so good these showers do miracles for it”

Fourth Day of School: Dad – “Ainsley c’mon please get up, school started 20 minutes ago.”

Me: *sits up with a crazed look in my eye* “I know exactly what time it is Dad and I swear to God if you turn on that light I will break you in half.” *falls back into a peaceful slumber*

2.) “I am going to stop procrastinating so much and get things done right away.”

Can we just all take a second and laugh collectively please, because I was dead serious about this one. I honestly thought that I could do this and I had faith in myself that I could end my procrastinating ways. Let’s shudder at how naive “pre-September Ainsley” was. Joke is definitely on me because guess what I did last night? I wrote a 7 page essay that was due today and assigned 3 weeks ago. Oh, and guess what I’m doing right now. I’m writing a blog post that is due today and that I’ve had all month to complete. I am laughing through the pain right now.  

3.) “I am going to be so prepared for Homecoming this year, no more last minute shopping for me!!”

Okay, so I have to give myself a little credit for this one. I mean, I actually do have a dress right now, so I did a lot better than last year. However, if we consider the fact that last year I got my dress 3 days before the actual dance, the expectation bar wasn’t set very high. Plus, I have no shoes, no jewelry, no ticket and my dance moves have yet to magically improve over night…soooooooo, it’s still not looking great for me, folks.

4.) “I am so done with TV, it rots your brain and is so beneath me!!”

I tried this and it lasted about 5 minutes because I then had a mini breakdown over the fact that I had no clue who won Big Brother so I couldn’t go on Twitter. Which led to another mini breakdown because if I can’t go on Twitter then I can’t be up to date on what’s going on in the world and then I won’t be able to see what the next predicted day the world is ending is, so I won’t be anywhere near prepared and then I’ll be the first one to die. Just in case you kinda skimmed all of that, the point is that not watching TV would lead to me dying, so for my own well being, I broke this promise with no regrets.

5.) “Boys are so dumb, I’m going to focus on myself this year and not let them bother me!!”

*Laughs nervously and shrugs pathetically*

We’ll give it another go in November….