The Unpopular Opinion of #MeToo

blonde girl with hands under chin, #metoo movement

I am a white, millennial woman.

I am a fierce feminist.

I voted for Hillary.

I have ALWAYS supported other women—and always will.

I DESPISE Trump—and everything he stands for.

…..I am also really tired of the #MeToo, #TimesUp, and every other women’s focused movement.

I am grateful these conversations are happening. Society is hearing them, and they are responding. I am so happy women are getting the freedom and justice they deserve for the unforgivable things that have been done to them.

I do not for a second question any of the reports that have come out over the past year against men—because I too have experienced rape, sexual assault and harassment. And I too stayed silent from shame, guilt, embarrassment and fear. I identify with their stories and know they are true.

#MeToo

This movement has taken off like wildfire because too many women—too many girls (too many young GIRLS), have a #MeToo story and they didn’t even realize it until they were in their mid-20s to early 30s.

It’s tragic. And it’s horrifying. And it’s incredibly sad.

It’s also why I’ve been incredibly conflicted since it all started.

Like I said, I’m very much a part of the #MeToo community. A community I never wanted to claim. But as time passes and #MeToo receives more and more attention, I struggle to accept it and honestly have gotten pretty annoyed with it.

“I’m not like these stories in the news.”

“It was different.”

“This is what happens.”

“They warned me. I just wasn’t careful enough.”

Rape and sexual harassment have become such a huge part of our culture for women that it’s just something that happens to most us. It’s our norm. To complain or make a scene about it would be like to complain about the weather it feels like.

Until #MeToo.

This was absolutely a game changer and still is—I’m just not convinced it’s in the right way anymore.

I’ve had a lot of guilt around this as someone who has experienced this violence because while I support, empower and think the absolute world of all women—I am so over the #MeToo movement.

Whether it’s right or wrong (and it’s definitely wrong), the space is completely over-saturated. In my opinion, it’s gotten to a point where people are only “listening” to be politically correct and the conversations are becoming less and less productive. It’s a lot of people pleasing answers…and movements…and marches..etc,etc. There’s movements popping up everyday now.

What I fear the most is these movements have become counterproductive.

Sexual assault and harassment is 100 percent alive and well in our society. There’s no question about it. That being said, I do still believe (and maybe I’m being naïve), that most men are good. MOST men are not the ones committing these crimes. MOST men respect women. MOST men want women to do well and succeed.

As a woman who has her own #MeToo stories—I feel like I have the grounds to say I’m annoyed. And if I’m annoyed, I have to think there’s a lot of good men out there feeling the same way.

I no longer believe it’s an entirely productive conversation and while I woefully respect and applaud the women and men hard at work pushing these movements forward, seeking justice, I don’t believe it’s moving us closer to a solution. I actually fear it’s putting a patch on an existing issue and creating a whole new problem. Where the good men out there are scared

I listen to these courageous celebrity, politically engaged women speak on TV about how hopeful they are about the future for women and how this behavior is going to end now.

And while I want to jump on the bandwagon, I just don’t believe it’s that simple. We are doing ourselves a disservice and disrespecting the survivors to think that it is. This is what we’re all talking about right now and it’s big deal—but it’s not forever. Similar to other equality movements and the civil rights movement – it’s complex and it’s messy and we have to be smart about how we approach the solution.

As we’ve blatantly seen through this current presidency, racism is very much alive and well in this country.

Hell! The majority of the country voted in one of the most racist (and sexist) presidents we’ve ever had.

The civil rights movement didn’t solve racism – far from it.

The #MeToo movement has been great in sparking a nationwide conversation however, I think it’s vitally important for us all to be realistic. We are not going to change hundreds of years of a culture with a fleeting hashtag. And we would be remiss to believe that marching and deeming it socially unacceptable behavior that we have solved the problem.

We haven’t. And it’s important to recognize that.

The problem has just transformed into something different, which I fear we are not equipped to recognize and deal with.

These things are important yes, but that’s just the very tip of the iceberg. What’s next? That is the part no one is talking about. What repercussions is this having, because there are repercussions

Similar to racism—it has moved underground. Which in my opinion, can be more dangerous because it’s not blatant and out in the open. It’s hidden. Society is intolerant to sexual violence now. It doesn’t mean it’s gone and people and companies aren’t still turning a blind eye and covering it up. And I think that is the trap we are falling into now.

#MeToo is real and it’s important, but please remember that we have not solved any problem with this media frenzy yet—we’ve just changed the game for the perpetrator—and as too many of us know — he is always up for the challenge.

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SHEnonymous

I give a voice to the women who are concerned about sharing their story publicly. My mission is to give a voice to the women who want to start conversations, but who are concerned with sharing their identity, for one reason or another. My posts don’t reveal personal details that can identify particular people nor do I promote bullying or bashing others. I am designed to give women who can’t share their names an equal voice in the important conversations we are having at She In The CLE. Want me to share your story? Submit a post at http://www.sheinthecle.com/she-speaks/.

2 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Your fundamental issue of good men being scared is simply not true. I know plenty of good men and none of them are scared or threatened by #MeToo because they know they have nothing to worry about. If a man is scared then he should examine why, and not blame the women coming forward for his fear. This nonsense that you are perpetrating with this post is part of the problem, not part of the solution. It isn’t on WOMEN to make men understand where the lines are drawn, it’s on MEN. They have to want to do that work, they have to listen, they have to understand. Protecting them from that is not the answer.

  • PS: The majority of the country did NOT vote for Trump; he’s President via the Electoral College. Big difference.

    Perhaps we’re in the “awareness” stage of change regarding sexual assault & harrassment. #MeToo has smacked the culture awake to the everyday interpersonal violence that is sexual harrassment. We will continue #MeToo while moving into acceptance (yes, it’s HAPPENING) & action (what are we going to do about it?)

    The long fight for womens rights and full autonomy continues, ie, #MyBodyMyChoice & #MeToo.

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