Okay, the title might be a bit much. I’m not suggesting to be reckless with your heart and soul, but getting your heart broken is important. Stay with me…
When I was in high school I saw something that completely terrified me. Walking out of the auditorium after play practice I saw a girl crying hysterically in the parking lot. Two of her friends were surrounding her and I heard her wail out “you don’t understand, he’s my whole world!!”. I got into my mom’s car and felt like I had been hit with a stun gun. My mom made some remark that I can’t remember because all I could feel was terror. Oh my gosh, she’s so heart broken, she’s so upset. I never want to let anyone have that much power over me, I declared. And I didn’t for a while. I went to college and didn’t date, didn’t party, didn’t go out drinking. I still dreamed of a “prince charming”, but never made any attempts to find him.
It wasn’t until my later twenties when I actually started to have serious and meaningful conversations with guys I was attracted to. And all of the typical things followed: talking on the phone for hours, hanging out, drinking together…other stuff. When I actually allowed myself to care it was absolutely terrifying, but I felt like I was long overdue. There I was at 25 feeling like a 15-year-old about a boy. I was blushing, giggling, twirling my hair – the whole 9 yards! And it didn’t work out. And I cried and threw myself on the floor and felt as though my heart was literally breaking.
A couple of months later I found myself around another person that I really liked, started to get feelings for and subsequently ended up throwing away more than a year of my life on something that I knew would never work. And my heart broke again, in ways I didn’t think possible.
Then there was another guy I met and another after that who went from a good friend to something more than that. I made up for lost time in the span of 3 1/2 years. And each one of them hurt me. Casual dates are totally fine, but if you are sensitive like I am, you always end up catching the feels! It’s just who I am, I care too much. And the men in my past were not the right fit for a sensitive soul.
I thought back to the girl in the parking lot and how I swore I never wanted to be in the exact position that I was. I felt defeated in many ways because I knew that I was a strong woman and shouldn’t depend on the approval of a man. But there I was, desperately seeking the approval of a man to make me feel whole. Ugh! Even writing that sentence makes me cringe, but it’s who I was at the time. And that helps get to my point, why I needed to have my heart broken.
If my heart hadn’t been broken and I wasn’t in such a dark place, then I wouldn’t have learned the insane amount of lessons that I did. Here’s just a short list of things that I learned:
- No one can complete you, you have to do that for yourself.
- You can’t force something that inherently will not work. Sure, squeeze that small shoe on your big feet, but what will it get you? Bunions and crooked toes!
- At the end of the day, you are all you have, so you better love the person you are.
- Putting people on pedestals is a recipe for disaster. No one is perfect, everyone is flawed.
- If someone doesn’t like you for who you are, that’s ok. Not everyone is a match for each other and that has absolutely nothing to do with you!
Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I hear the names of the people that have broken my heart and I still envision running them over with my car…don’t act like you don’t do the same thing, because you do, okay, don’t make this weird! I’ve even seen these guys after the heartbreak and had a moment of “what in the actual hell was wrong with me?!” But, I have come to appreciate the heartaches because they have formed me into the person that I am today. And I’m not so bad!
Learn from the mistakes of the past and rebuild yourself for the future. Heartbreak is part of life, but suffering from it is a choice. And I feel like we choose it more than we should. Don’t get me wrong, it hurts, it hurts really bad. But I try to think of myself as a sword. The metal gets melted down, put into the heat and then pounded out. That series repeats itself a couple of times. And the result, well the result is a shiny and strong piece of metal.
Let’s all be swords. Not for destruction, but for models of strength.